Demons
by runawaysoultrain
Summary: His demons were swelling up inside of him. He needed to keep them hidden. He wouldn't dare show his past. Not to anyone. Cal's backstory.
1. Preface

**Demons**

**Summary**: Caledon Hockley's life was anything but glamorous. It was filled with darkness adn despair. Starting from his birth, to the day it all came crashing down. This is my version of the backstory of Titanic's "Misunderstood Millionaire".

**Disclaimer:**I do not own Titanic or Caledon Hockley. They both belong to the wonderful, James Cameron.

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**A/N:**Hey guys! I've been wanting to write Cal's backstory for a long time now! I really hope y'all enjoy, and please tell me what you think in a review! I love to know I'm not wasting my time! :) Enjoy! :)

**Preface**

**October, 30th, 1929- Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania**

Caledon Hockley sat at his desk with a letter dangling fron his fingertips. He wasn't exactly looking at it. He already knew what it said. It was gone. All gone. The wealth he had built for himself with sleepless nights and throbbing headaches was gone. He felt so foolish.

At that moment, the hard, stone walls surrounding his heart came crashing down. There was no money left, and therefor, no reason to live.

He slowly rose from his desk and went over to a cabient. He pulled out a shiny, silver pistol. The only object that mattered to him anymore.

He stared at it for a few moments, and then went back to his desk. He sat down again, and pulled out some paper. He wrote 3 letters. One to his bastard of a father, one to his wife, Louise, and one to the one person he never forgot. Rose Dawson.

Once he had said his goodbyes, Cal leaned back and thought about the hellish jumble events called his life.

He remembered his childhood full of abuse and pain. His adolescence filled with numerous hangovers and one night flings with girls with no names. Then, he remembered adulthood, and how the cracks had began to show in his perfect world.

He wasn't perfect, and he knew that. He had his flaws. He was only human.

Then, he raised the silvery gun to his head with silent tears streaming down his cheeks. He pulled the trigger qucikly. So he wouldn't have any regrets. Not like he was going to anyway.

The last thing he remembered was the bitter poison of lead.

**Please review! I want to know what you guys think! I will have the first chapter up soon! **

**Until then,**

**Xo, Maggie. **


	2. 1

**A/N: Hey guys! I'm backkkk *triumphant music plays* So, for awhile, I've neglected this story, but I recently found some inspiration to re-write everything I've written. Most of that came from my amazing friend, ****addine995****, she's awesome and you totally need to check out her writing (; Anyway, I'm here again, and ready to take on this idea again. Hope y'all enjoy and reviews/comments are greatly appreciated (: **

***btw this chapter is from cal's moms POV, before he enters the story* **

**DISCLAIMER:** **I do not own Caledon Hockley (even though I seriously wish I did *wiggles eyebrows suggestively*) I only own the character of Maria Petrova-Hockley and all the other characters I randomly decided to create that weren't mentioned in the film, **_**Titanic**_**, which, in every right, belong to the wonderful, James Cameron (:**

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**1.**

_January, 23rd, 1882_

Today is my 15th birthday. It supposed to be the best day in my life. The day I become a woman, the day I join glittering Boston society and find a man to one day, become my husband. The man whom I will honor and serve for the rest of my life while being pampered with every imaginable luxury.

I'm supposed to be thrilled. Ecstatic.

But, as I stared out at the snow-covered gardens beneath me, my increasing anxiety caused thoughts to flit around in my mind _'Why am I even considered a "woman"? I am still so young, still so much for me to do without being tied down to one man. Am I even going to find a husband tonight, as Mother claims I will? Why would any man want me? I'm simply a child..._

The silken scarlett gown I was wearing was flowed around me in a luxurious crimson wave. And the corset beneath was practically crushing my lungs! It was the first time I was wearing one. Mother had forced it upon me, saying _"it was only necessary if I wished for men to look at me."_

As I pulled on my matching crimson gloves, I turned away from my window to the sound of my bedroom door opening behind me, just to see my mother entering, her face beaming.

But soon, her smile faltered as she looked over my appearance, "Maria! Dear, don't wear too much rouge on your cheeks, you look like...like someone beneath someone such as yourself! And oh look at your hair! It's practically falling down!" I sighed as my mother fiddled with the comb holding up my dark curls.

She gave me one last look, tutting under her breath, "Well, your corset definitely needs to be tied tighter tomorrow, no man will look at you whilst you don't at least have an 18 inch waist!"

I bowed my head, embarrassed, I was a disappointment.

My mother started making her way back towards my door to leave, motioning with a flick of her wrist for me to follow. And so I did.

I followed her downstairs to where my older brother, Alexander and my father were standing in matching, crisp tuxedos.

I took my place at the end of the line with the rest of my family to greet the guests as they began to arrive.

Everyone was polite, greeting me and wishing me a very happy birthday, and I plastered on a smile. Just like a proper lady would. Just how I was raised to be.

But I also noticed something. The men were different.

The men were looking at me as if I was...was a piece of meat! They scanned their greedy eyes all over my body, drinking me in; every disgusting inch. Of course, being the gracious hostess I was, I stayed put. I let them greet me, I let them gingerly place a kiss on my gloved hand, wish me a joyous birthday... Even though it was quite the gentlemanly thing to do...they made it seem wrong...perverted... I was grateful once everyone had arrived and I could join the party as well.

As I entered the ballroom, the smells of food on the banquet table made my mouth water. Roast duck...chocolate cake with creamy, sweet frosting...warm cheese and potato perogies... All sorts of dishes served on sparkling platters, just waiting to be devoured by sparkling people.

The orchestra in the far corner had struck up a lively waltz, and couples began to flock to the center of the room to dance.

Chiffon, silk, velvet...every fabric imaginable began to swirl around me and I had the urge to join them, to grab the closest person to me and spin in the never-ending carousel of rhythm and color. I loved to dance! How I loved to swirl around, losing myself. Often times; alone in my room. Alone in my room where no one could disturb me. Where no one could take me away from what I wanted and what I dreamed. I had always dreamed to be the most graceful ballerina in all of Russia, spinning on stage, the spotlight searing into my skin...

As if that would happen now.

I reached my spot at the banquet table, smoothing down the crinkles in my gown. For awhile, the dancing resumed and I sat, calmly watching, nostalgically dreaming of someone sweeping me off my feet. I knew it was childish, but I couldn't help it because I still felt, in a way, I was a child.

Dinner was served next, and I was full before the 3rd course. But everything tasted perfect. Cook had prepared all of my favorite foods, especially for my birthday. And even though the corset I had on restrained my hunger, I couldn't help myself. The champagne I was sipping made me feel strangely...bubbly. My head felt a warm fuzziness inside of it, as if I was dreaming...

Soon, the dinner ended and the dancing resumed. Person after person asked me to dance, walking up to me and practically sweeping me off of my feet. All of the faces were the same, colorless blur to me. I wouldn't remember who from who in the morning anyway. I was too busy gliding and twirling on the polished ballroom floor.

The night stretched on. The dances continued, more names matched to unrecognizable faces...I laughed and smiled. For once in my life, I actually felt...alive.

There were no restrictions, no one to tell me to straighten my posture, or smooth out my dress...

I was no longer a shadow in a long forgotten corner. I was my own person.

I was Maria Petrova. A society woman.

That was until my mother reappeared. She jerked me aside, nearly making me trip over my own feet. "Maria! Make yourself look presentable! Stop running around looking like a _tsi'pa!_ " she sneered as she dragged me through the crowd to where my father was standing. There was a man with him.

He was handsome; his face angular and his eyes black. Black enough to stare right through a person's soul. His hair was also dark, styled neatly onto his head. He was definitely older than me, at least 25...but his body was lean and strong, giving him a much younger and powerful look. And that was what he was. Powerful. Power oozed from his pores, it raced through his veins. It seemed if I even breathed incorrectly around him, he would sentence me to a life in prison with a simple flick of his gold cuff-linked wrist.

He stepped towards me, taking my slightly shaking hand, placing a tender kiss on my exposed knuckle. A tingle went up my arm and I fought the urge to blush. I didn't need to look like some silly schoolgirl.

My father spoke, coming to stand next to me, placing his hand gently on my shoulder, "Maria, ne'zhnaja de'vushka, this is Nathaniel Hockley. He is from Pittsburgh and he's a close associate of mine."

I nodded, faking a smile, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Hockley-"

He interrupted, a smirk creping across his face, "Please, call me Nathan..."

"Of course", I answered; just as the orchestra was striking up another waltz. A slower one.

Nathan's eyes began to sparkle as he looked at me, asking in his smooth voice, "Maria, may I have the pleasure of this dance with you?"

I nodded again as he led me to the center of the room. Just where everyone could have their eyes on us.

He placed a strong hand on the small of my back. My whole body radiated with shivers. We swirled together in time with the music, my body tense for the first time the whole evening. Nathan wasn't like any of the other men I had danced with that he frightened me. There was a deep darkness within him. It made me uncomfortable.

I jumped as he asked quietly, his deep, smooth voice vibrating through the air around me, his breath brushing on my bare shoulder, 'Are you enjoying your party this evening, Maria?' I was stiff. Paralyzed. All I managed was a meek nod and smile as he went on to say how he was enjoying it himself and how he enjoyed Boston so far, and how different it was from Pittsburgh. Eventually, the music ended and Nathan took his hand off of my back, allowing me to breathe correctly again. He led me back over to where my parents were, their faces beaming. This man was mysterious. Yes, I knew where he came from and his name, but as he laced his hand back around my waist, it seemed I was with a stranger.

"My dear, that was lovely!" My mother gloated. My father nodded in agreement, "Yes, how very wonderful! And Nathan, we will be seeing you tomorrow at dinner, correct?" Nathan smiled back, being so ever charming, "Yes of course, Pietro! I wouldn't deny the offer for anything!" He responded, pulling me closer to him. I faked a smile as my mother glared daggers into me.

We stayed that way for awhile. Nathan continued to dazzle my poor father with business stories and flatter my mother with such a lovely home we had...

But soon, it was getting late, and Nathan announced as if he were the most important person there, "Well, ladies...gentleman, it seems that the night is no longer young..." He turned to me, detaching himself from my side and placing another kiss gingerly on my hand, "But you are...I will see you tomorrow night, Maria..." He smiled at me, his white teeth gleaming with the overhanging chandelier, and excused himself with a curt bow.

As he disappeared through the crowd, I couldn't help but feel a bit of dread slowly creeping into my veins.

And I felt, deep inside my heart, that tonight, had been my last night of freedom.

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**Welllll...what did ya think? **

**Also, some Russian translation for you lovelies (bc Maria and her family are Russian):**

**tsi'pa = **_**little chicken**_

**ne'zhnaja de'vushka = **_**my tender girl**_**. **

**If any of that is wrong, PLEASE let me know. Even though I am Russian, I am not a fluent speaker ): **

**Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed! I am going to be slowlyyyyyy bringing this story back to life. So keep your eyes out for a new, re-vamped chapter soon (: Reviews/follows/faves/etc. are always greatly appreciated and rewarded with cookies. (:**

**Xx,**

**Maggie **


	3. 2

**A/N: Hey guys! So, here's chapter dos! It may be a little while until another update, finals are coming up and I need to do some studying. But after that, it will be summer, which means more time for working on this and possibly a few more stories. You'll just have to stick around to find out (: Also, reviews/comments/follows/etc. are always accepted and appreciated! Enjoy! (: **

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**2.**

I stood in front of the mirror, staring back at the hollow reflection that was me. I looked tired. My eyes were dry and they didn't have that sparkle they always did.

I hadn't been able to sleep last night. I was too busy thinking about Nathan. It was more like worrying, actually. Nathan was mysterious, and that made me unsure.

He was coming over to dinner this evening and I had no idea why. But, that was the reason I was shifting uncomfortably in yet another gown selected by my mother for me to try on.

I stiffled a yawn as she and the other seamstresses flitted around me, throwing comments into the air about how the neckline didn't scoop low enough, or that the color didn't look good with my complexion. I just sighed, absoulutley bored out of my skull. Mother caught me, and sent a searing glare in my direction.

Eventually, a gown was chosen. A dreadful velvet thing with a plunging neckline and sleeves that exposed my shoulders. It was a deep plum color and it was far too tight on me and honestly, showed way more than I wanted it to. But Mother was more than delighted. The goal for the evening was for me to catch Nathan's eye, and Mother was positive that this dress would do exactly that; perhaps even more.

I looked back into my reflection one last time, sighing to myself, just silently hoping that this evening wouldn't turn out that way.

**XXX**

The roast chicken and scalloped potatoes in front of me were getting cold as I heard my father and Nathan go on and on about politics and business. Things women were suppose to have no idea about.

Since I couldn't comment on such subjects, I just sat there and smiled, trying to breathe. Mother had tied my corset even tighter tonight, obsessed with impressing Nathan. Yes, he had commented on how lovely I looked this evening, but I, on the other hand, hadn't tasted fresh oxygen in hours. I felt as if I was going to faint, but then the entree dishes were cleared, making room for dessert.

As this was being done, Nathan turned away from my father, finishing their conversation, and looking directly at me from across the table with his peircing stare. I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck prick up as he stood, coming over to stand behind my chair. He placed his hands on my exposed shoulders, making me shiver. He began to speak loudly in his deep voice, a cocky smile on his lips, "Mr. and Mrs. Petrov, the true reason I came to this delightful dinner this evening wasn't just to enjoy your lovely company, but to also, to aquire something I really do need. A wife."

Then, he came around to the side of the chair, facing me directly and getting down on one knee. He cleared his throat loudly, and continued in his arrogant voice, "Maria Nikolaevna Petrov...Will you, do me the honor...of becoming...my bride?"

I stayed completely quiet. All eyes were on me, awaiting an answer. I could feel my mother's glare searing into my skin. I knew what she wanted to hear. I could feel my legs beginning to shake beneath me; a nervous habit. I finally stuttered, shocking myself with what I was about to say, "Y-yes..."

A gigantic smile spread across Nathan's face as he slid the enormous ring onto my delicate finger, applause from my family vibrating off of the walls. His teeth were too white, too perfect. Was that the life I was about to live? A perfect one? Everything planned and coordinated to an absolute proximity?

"Well...now that such is settled, a toast, perhaps?" Nathan pompously asked, raising his wine glass. "To my bride to-be. And the future that lies ahead for the Hockley name."

I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. Nathan's smile didn't dissapear. He just commented, loud enough for everyone to hear once the toasts had been made, "Oh my dear! It seems you are crying from happiness!" And with that, he picked up my hand, kissing it gently.

"Everything will be set well and proper once our engagement is formerly announced tomorrow night. I am most certain you will like the ring I have decided on. Only the best for you, my dearest." He continued, a devilish smirk spread across his face in mock affection.

**XXX**

Even though we were having eclairs, my favorite dessert, I wasn't hungry.

Everyone else was chattering excitedly around me about the wedding and the preparations. I didn't pay any attention. I was too lost in my thoughts.

_What will happen to me once I'm married to Nathan? Will I see my family again? Where will we live? Will I be able to keep my possesions? How will I make Nathan happy? What if he wants children? How will I possibly have a child when I'm practically a child myself? _

I was terrified. Beyond that even. I wasn't prepared to become a wife! I wanted to stay here, in Boston. With my family...my friends...

I felt the urge to cry. To scream and throw a tantrum. To destroy things and hit people.

But that...that was all on the inside. Outside, I was perfectly calm. Sitting at dinner with my family and my new fiancee, smiling and being the good, little society girl. Just like everyone expected.

Soon, Nathan exclaimed, loud enough to break me from my tranced state, "Well! It has been a lovely evening indeed! I have some meetings I must attend early tomorrow morning, so it seems I will have to part for the time being so I must be ready for them. It has been a wonderful night, thank you for your hospitality, Mr. and Mrs. Petrov."

My mother was beaming with delight as she ordered me with sickening sweetness to her voice, "Maria, dear, please escort Nathan out. It has been a wonderful evening, yes. Goodnight, Mr. Hockley."

I nodded obidiently, like a trained dog. I rose from my chair, which Nathan had pulled out for me; the gentlemanly thing to do.

He linked arms with me as I led him to the foyer. I made sure to keep my body from touching his.

Once we reached the front doors, he slid on his coat and retrieved his tophat from a servant. The moment the servant dissapeared, Nathan grabbed my arm roughly, making me gasp in pain. He covered my mouth swiftly, snarling, "If you ruin any of this, even mention this meeting to anyone, I will destroy you. I will expose what your family really is to everyone. A pack of Soviet theives."

At this point, I was pressed up against his chest, unable to move. My mouth hung open in shock as he continued, whispering between clenched teeth, "So, are we perfectly clear, Maria? Are we clear that you will indeed marry me? That you will follow my every command or you will see everything you love squashed like an insect right before your very eyes?"

My mouth was like sand. Dry. I couldn't find my voice so I nodded fiercely, silent tears rolling down my cheeks, smearing my make-up.

This pleased Nathan, who released me and kissed my cheek, purring, "Good. I will see you tomorrow evening. We are attending a charity ball to announce our engagement. Goodnight, my dear. Sleep well."

After that, he opened the front door, dissapearing into the cold, February night. I closed it behind him, leaning against the smooth, cold wood. My legs were shaking as I made my way to the stairs. I ordered meekly to a servant who was walking down the hall, "Tell my mother that I am tired and that I have retired to my room for the evening." The servant nodded, flitting past me.

Once I reached my bedroom, I fell onto my bed, my whole body wracking with sobs. I stayed there for awhile, crying until there were no more tears left to cry. Then, I pulled the covers of my bed over me, not bothering with my stupid gown. I snuggled into my pillow, wiping mascara off of my cheeks. I closed my eyes and fell into a restless sleep, one thought darting through my mind: _this was not what I wanted at all. _

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**Sooo...there it is! I hope you guys liked it! This was a fun chapter to write and I already have ideas for the next one! :D Reviews are appreciated and I will see y'all again soon! (: **


	4. 3

**A/N: Hey guys! This is such a late update (yeesh) but I am not giving up on this story. I just had a bit of tough writer's block (which was seriously pissing me off) and well now, here I am again! Sorry if this chapter seems spaced or short, it just wasn't one of the easier ones to write I guess.**

**Also, in a week or so, I will be out of town for a few weeks with limited internet. This will be my last update for awhile, but I will try my hardest to get another one to y'all (bc I am really excited for the next chapter) but if I don't, expect one in early august, when I return (:**

**Also, I edited up the last chapter a bit, just so this one fit into place more (Nathan didn't give her the engagement ring twice :P)**

**Anyway, that's all I have to say, and if you enjoyed, you know the drill :P**

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**3.**

I needed to get away. Away from all the faked smiles and congratulations...Away from the gasps of surprise that still echoed through my mind from when Nathan had announced our engagement...

My mind was racing and it was making my head spin; throb from the blurs and sounds of the evening.

Now, to everyone, I was Nathan's bride to-be...

And that was a fact I could not yet fathom myself.

**xXx**

"Oh...your name is Maria, correct?" Lydia Hamilton asked, her candy apple green eyes glistening with something of jealousy.

I nodded, unsure what to think of her sudden friendliness. Just moments ago, her face had been twisted with shock and rage as Nathan had pulled out the shiny, diamond ring that now laid on my finger.

Her voice was sweet as honey as she prattled on...

But I knew that she would've liked nothing more than to rip my throat out.

"Oh, you're quite lucky! Nathan such a gentleman..."

_I will expose what your family really is to everyone. A pack of Soviet thieves..._

I faked a small smile, responding quietly, "Thank you, very much. And I must say, what a lovely party this is..."

Lydia just sighed casually, brushing my compliment aside, "Oh, but think of all the pretty things you'll receive...The Hockleys are something of royalty..."

"I see..." I replied, uninterested in any of this silly, small talk.

I just wished to be alone, now that I wasn't glued to Nathan's side. He had just left me to mingle as he had gone off with some associates of his to celebrate our upcoming union...or more to him, another successful business deal.

My temples were pounding now as I sighed, pinching my nose.

"Lydia...it was a pleasure to speak with you...But I seem quite out-of-breathe. I shall just go to freshen up a bit. We can talk again later on if you like."

And I had never been much of a liar, but what came out of my mouth next would've sent me straight to Hell. "Oh, and thank you for your congratulations. I am sure Nathan and I will be quite happy together."

I didn't quite pick up the mumbles that came from her after I had begun to walk away. But it wasn't something I would've like to hear.

**xXx**

The music from the orchestra floated out into the cool, night air of the garden and found its way to my ears. I knew this song...it was a piece from _Swan Lake_, my favorite ballet. I silently hummed the notes to myself as I began to waltz slowly around the bushes of blooming flowers. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to sway to the melody, losing myself completely.

I was no entranced with my glee I had not heard someone approaching me.

Nathan pulled at my arm as he came up behind me, his eyes narrowed with something of anger...

I felt my face getting hot and my heart beginning to pound as he whispered fiercely at me through clenched teeth, hoping to not cause a scene, "What in God's name are you doing out here? I leave you, trusting that you will continue to mingle with the rest of society, and I see you're out here, dancing around like some loon?"

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in efforts to calm himself, "You, Maria, better learn quickly...or else there will be dire consequences..." He narrowed his eyes at me again, making sure I was listening before he asked, his voice dripping with malice, "Are we crystal clear?"

I whispered softly, my voice coming out like a squeak of a mouse, "Yes, of course..."

And with that, Nathan's face rearranged into a pleasant smile and he held out his hand for me.

"Good. Hoffman is waiting in the carriage to take you home. Come along, dear..."

I linked my arm in his and we took one last stroll through the ballroom, almost as if it was the end to a victory.

The arrogant smirk on Nathan's face portrayed that.

And as we were about to exit through the large double-doors to the grand foyer, I saw Lydia. She was staring at Nathan with desire pooling deep in her emerald eyes. I then noticed that her dress was far plunging than mine. Nathan had too. And he lapped it all up like a cat that had been given cream.

Of course I wasn't jealous.

Lydia Hamilton could spend the rest of her life spent with such a monster for all I cared.

But...something shifted inside of me when I saw their connection. Yes, it was a connection all based on pure lust...But it was better than what I had...

I longed to have something. Anything with a man.

And if that man had to be Nathan...well then so be it.

Perhaps monsters were scared of the dark too.

**xXx**

When the carriage pulled up to my house, a kiss was the least of my expectations.

It had taken me completely by surprise when Nathan had leaned over to me and took my face roughly in his hands; meeting his lips to mine.

I had just sat there. Rigid and in shock.

I hadn't kissed him back. I hadn't wanted it.

And that had angered him.

Just as I was about to leave the carriage and go inside for the evening, he pulled at my arm harshly, causing me to yelp slightly, "You will learn to please me, Maria..." He snarled, alcohol on his tongue. "Remember those 'dire consequences' I told you about earlier? Do you want to find out what those are?"

I shook my head, fear coursing through my veins.

"You'll understand eventually..." He continued, a malevolent smile spreading across Nathan's face as his eyes wandered from my face, scanning my body.

"But now, leave me. And let your family know you had a lovely time this evening, yes?"

My voice was shaky as I exited the carriage, my legs wobbly. "Of course. Goodnight."

And as I scrambled up the front steps of my safe haven, I swear I heard Nathan snickering behind me.

**xXx**

Making my way to my room, I saw my mother still awake. She was in her private sitting room, working on needlepoint in her nightgown. She noticed me and immediately snapped, "Stand up a bit straighter, child! I am surprised Nathan would be flattered by such disgraceful posture…"

I sighed at her ridiculing, squaring my shoulders.

She continued, her voice a notch softer, gentler..."Well, Maria...Did you enjoy yourself tonight?"

_And let your family know you had a lovely time this evening..._

I nodded, suddenly realizing how tired I really was. My eyes were scarcely open and I was practically dead on my feet. I responded, stifling a yawn, "Yes, Mother...I wonderful time..."

"Oh good, and how simply dreadful you look! Go get some beauty rest. Nathan will only expect a healthy bride. Goodnight" She continued, any hint of love gone in her tone.

But that didn't matter. I was just glad Mother was actually allowing me to sleep instead of staying up into all the hours of the night practicing to become the perfect cut-out of a society wife.

I stumbled away, rubbing my eyes as I found my way to my room...my soft bed...

I called out for my maid, undressed and swiftly put on my nightgown.

But as I brushed my long, dark hair, and preparing for the restful sleep to come, I no longer felt tired.

My blue eyes glimpsed at the enormous diamond ring sitting on my finger, reflecting my exhausted, pale face back at me...

Nathan's cruelty kept circling through my mind...Replaying all of my pain and hurt...

And then I realized something as I stared into the vastless, emptiness of the jewel that bound me to my destiny.

Monsters could never be afraid of the dark.

That's what they were.


	5. 4

**note: so, this is a pretty big chapter, in content and in length. it was really fun to write and i hope y'all enjoy! also, this chapter is a bit 'm' rated at the end so yea... please r&amp;r (:**

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**4\. **

_I couldn't see anything. Everything surrounding me was black...I could feel my heart pounding. My hands were trembling...I was petrified._

_But I didn't know why._

_A rush of cold air pierced through my bones as I heard a dark chuckle echo from behind me. I whipped around to see what was there...but I was greeted by emptiness._

_The chilly sound once again rang through the vast space, but this time...it seemed to have a voice...It was deep and just as bitter as the air around me._

_And it made me tremble even harder, my whole body shaking violently._

_"You'll never escapeeee..." It seemed to whisper, floating around me like a gust of wind._

_What did that mean? What did anything mean? Why was I here?_

_I waited for an answer, I screamed into the void, my throat surprisingly sore and raw, "What? What do you want from me?"_

_It only replied, calling my name "Mariaaa...Mariaaaa..."_

_It seemed to increase in volume, growing louder, stronger..._

_I tried to cover my ears, block it out..._

_But it just kept coming..._

_And then I opened my eyes._

**xXx**

I blinked several times. The sunlight that was coming in through the windows was far too bright. It was blinding me.

It took me a moment until I realized that my mother was standing over me, her dressing gown buttoned up all the way to her neck. Her hair was already in hot rags, as it always was, ready to be styled for the day.

She sighed a bit too dramatically in my direction, her hands planted firmly on her hips. "Oh thank goodness you're awake! I had been calling you for quite some time, Maria!" She declared, pulling my blankets off of me and helping me to my feet. "We thought something had happened to you, _Ne'zhnaja de'vushka_! And that would be such bad luck for such a special day!"

"Special day?" I asked, my voice hoarse.

My mother let out a tittering laugh, like a little bird, before putting a hand to my forehead, "_Daraga'ja_...Are you feeling well? You seem a bit warm...Perhaps we should postpone the ceremony if you aren't feeling well..."

"Ceremony?" I inquired again, hoping to clear up my sudden amnesia.

"Why, yes! It's your wedding day, Maria! Are you positive you're feeling well...?"

_Wedding day_? Wedding day!

I let out a small gasp of shock, my face paling, as my mother sat next to me on the bed, taking my chilled hands in hers. The feeling of her smooth skin rubbing against mine used to soothe me...But now, it just made the butterflies in my stomach turn to boulders.

She cleared her throat delicately, shooing out the nearest maid, who was preparing me a bath, to leave us in private.

"Maria...Becoming a wife, especially to such a powerful man like Nathan, has...'responsibilities'..." She began, averting her eyes to me, making sure I wasn't daydreaming, as I usually did during her lectures. She continued, her voice hushed, as if she was telling me a long, lost secret, "As a woman, it is your job to please your husband...In every way... Yes, do as he says and obey...but also...men, have...'pleasures' that need to be fulfilled. _Urges_, if you will..."

Mother cleared her throat again, and I could see she was quite uncomfortable with what she was trying to say as she whispered to me, "And tonight...Nathan will desire such a feeling. For you must produce him an heir. Do as he says and don't fight him..."

"Mother...I don't quite understand..." I prodded, hoping to abolish the sudden confusion that had sprung up inside me.

"Well...it is all quite natural my dear, so there is no need to worry."

"But Mother...what is he going to do to me? I'm scare-" I argued, the confusion inside quickly boiling into fear.

But she didn't answer me, she just stood from the bed, dismissing my questions and pushing me in the direction of the bathroom. She quickly helped me out of my nightgown and into the steaming water of the lavender scented bubbles.

On her way out of my room, she called out in a sing-song voice, the discomfort no longer present, "Oh don't worry about a thing! It will all be just fine!"

And I wanted to believe that. I wanted to tell myself that everything was going to be fine.

But I knew, stuffed deep down inside of me, that it wasn't.

**xXx**

The wedding dress was indeed beautiful. It was custom made and it fit my figure well, showing off my feminine soft curves from the tight-fitting corset beneath. The material of the gown was made of flowing organza that ruffled in graceful pleats around the bust and sleeves. It was also adorned with satin bows and the finest lace, shipped in only from Russia. The train was long and seemed to trail behind me for miles. I just hoped my nerves wouldn't get the best of me and cause me to ruin such a lovely garment I would most likely only wear this one day.

The dress was _gorgeous_ even...

But as I was looking at my reflection in front of me...I didn't feel gorgeous...I didn't even see me standing there...

I saw a delicate girl who was peeking behind an equally delicate lace veil, waiting for her life to turn into her worst nightmare. And she couldn't run from it.

I forced myself not to cry. For the crystal tears to not run down my cheeks, and God forbid, ruin my perfect look. I just sighed and turned myself away from the shadow of a person gawking back at me.

As I collected myself, my father was standing in the doorway of my room, admiring me from a far. And ashe rapped on the doorframe to let me know of his presence, I threw my arms open, not worrying about crinkling the gown I was wearing. As he embraced me, he whispered into my ear, "Ah, _rad tebya videt, moja dorogaja_! You look very beautiful, _ko'shechka maja_."

I blushed, ashamed for my father having to see me so upset. But he didn't seem to mind as he pulled out his handkerchief, dabbing at my eyes gently.

I smiled, responding, "Oh, Papa! _Bolshoe spasibo...Ja tebja Lublu_..."

He grinned back at me, placing a tender kiss on my forehead. He opened his mouth to tell me something else when there was a sharp knock at the door.

And my mother stood there, an eyebrow raised disapprovingly at our encounter. "Cedric...I came to tell you that the carriage is here. Come along, we don't wish to be late." She addressed us, her tone chilly.

My father nodded, taking my arm in his to escort me downstairs. And the moment my mother's back was turned, he rolled his eyes, making me smile, as he had always known to do when his precious daughter was upset.

When we exited my room, I had to look around. One last time. Everything had already been loaded into trunks and packed away. I was to now live with my husband to-be. The lavender walls were barren and empty.

Everything was empty, it seemed.

And as I entered the awaiting carriage and began to roll away to my new beginning, I felt it was only an ending.

**xXx**

The church was larger than anything I had ever seen. Even the grand churches in Moscow and St. Petersburg were smaller than this. But the tall, stone walls and sparkling, stained glass windows didn't impress me. Nathan had picked the where the ceremony would take place. It was a Catholic church. I was Orthodox.

I was led out of the carriage by my father, who lifted my train as well, careful to not dirty it in any mud.

I took his arm once again as I started up the front steps to the entrance of the church, my heart pounding.

And upon entering, organ music vibrated my eardrums, not seeming to soothe my trembling hands one bit.

My various bridesmaids, whom I hadn't even been able to choose, scurried around me, smoothing out any crinkles in skirt and lowering my veil over my face.

I was handed my bouquet and the thorns from the pastel colored roses I was holding pricked into my skin. I took a deep breathe as I saw blood pool from the tip of my ring finger.

I wasn't squeamish, but little did I know, that wasn't all I would see of the red poison for the day to come.

I breathed deep again and I heard the familiar tune of the organ begin to pound through the air.

The doors in front of me opened wide and everyone turned my way. I clutched onto my father's arm tightly as I heard gasps of awe echo throughout the church as I began to walk slowly down the aisle, just hoping I wouldn't faint.

_Left...Right...Left...Right.._.I thought to myself as I neared the altar. _Left...Right...Left...Right.._.I thought to myself as I neared Nathan, who was dressed in an impeccable tuxedo and had a smug look on his face.

Arrogance and pride oozed from him as I finally reached him and he took tight hold of my hand, his skin cold to the touch, making my whole body prick up with goosebumps.

I looked back helplessly to my father, who had already began to let go of my hand.

But just as his fingers lost contact with mine, he squeezed them tightly, mouthing "I love you" to me silently.

And that was the last thing I remember of the ceremony.

The rest was a blur and soon, I slipped away to yet another daydream.

Until I was shaken out if it wit a jan of Nathan's elbow to my rib. I snapped my attention back to the ceremony and I saw everyone staring at me with quiet anticipation. _Were they waiting for something_?

I was in utter confusion until the priest asked, his voice just as confused as I felt, "Do you, Maria Nikolevna Petrov, take this man to be your lawfully, wedded husband?"

"I- I do..." I stuttered back as I gazed into Nathan's menacing, anger-filled stare.

I had messed up. And I was second closer to making Nathan detonate.

Nathan had answered to same when the priest asked him, his voice loud and filled with obnoxious arrogance.

And when he had leaned in to me and the end if the ceremony, when the priest had pronouced us "husband and wife", I naturally backed away. Whatwas he going to do to me?

I didn't know until he forcefully pulled me close to him, placing his lips onto mine. The kiss wasn't soft and gentle, as it was always described to be in the books...This was rough...and hard. And just as he pulled away from me to face the applauding crowd, he bit my lip, whispering into my ear with menace, "Now, listen here, Wife...you will be a good bride today...Smile and wave to everyone and do as you're told..."

I nodded slightly as he leaned away from me, not wishing to upset Nathan...not now...

Taking my arm in his, I smiled wide, with all of my teeth showing, pleasing the crowds as Nathan had instructed. I even waved happily and managed a fake, airy giggle.

Nathan led me out of the church, his head held high with pride. We walked down the aisle and out to another, awaiting carriage; the one to take us to our wedding banquet.

The one, just for me and my newly-wed husband.

My stomach churned with fear as he helped me inside, closing the door behind him firmly.

And as we rolled away, Nathan kept his elbow pressed into my side. And if my smile faltered the slightest bit, a bruise would be the consequence.

**xXx**

My head was spinning as I sat at my vanity mirror, a maid combing out my hair and styling it for the rest of the day to come.

The banquet had been just like the ceremony; an insignficant blur.

There had been too many faces. Too many drinks.

Luckily, Nathan had done most of talking. I just stood next to him and looked pretty.

I had been getting practice for the rest of my days with him.

But now, I was alone again. And free to be whoever I wished to be.

That was until I heard a knock on the door and Nathan entered, making the poor maid scurry out like a frightened rabbit.

He barked at me impatiently, "Maria! Are you ready to leave?! Our reservation doesn't late forever you know..."

"Yes, Nathan...I'm ready..." I answered him with a whisper as I tried to pin my hat to my head with trembling hands.

I stood from the vanity and smoothed out the tight-fitting skirt to my navy blue traveling suit. Nathan glanced over my attire, his eyes lingering on my chest. The neckline was a bit plunging, but modest enough for travel attire.

Mother had chosen it for me, telling me Nathan would "adore it". It looked like he did.

And as he took my arm once again, he hissed,"Remember who you are now..."

I never forgot.

**xXx**

After waving off our well-wishers, I couldn't shake this looming dread inside of me.

As I sat in the carriage to go to our hotel, I felt the ride was too short. That my freedom was being forced away from me piece by agonizing piece...

My life wasn't going to be the same, especially since I was, from now on, going to be locked in a cage. A golden, luxurious cage, but nevertheless confining.

Soon, the carriage stopped in front of our destination and I was helped out of the carriage, my heart pounding.

I was led inside by Nathan's iron grip and we stopped at the front desk, retrieving our room key.

Then, up the winding marble staircase in front of me, my husband's hand was on my lower back, guiding me.

_My husband_. It felt odd to think that now, I was a Hockley...Something I didn't even want to be...

Now, I was Nathan's wife.

His _property_.

I shivered at the thought as we reached our suite. "Put her things in her room." I heard Nathan bark at a nearby servant, who was bringing my trunks and cases up the stairs. They vanished deep into the room, and Nathan began to lead me with him in the opposite direction.

"Nathan, won't I need my things-" I began to protest before he cut me off, whispering as he laced his arm through mine, "Not tonight, dear..."

Soon, we stopped in front of a door, and Nathan opened it, allowing me to step inside before he closed it with a thud behind me. My heart dropped into my stomach as I heard the lock turn. A sound that would be forever branded into my memory.

I knew without a doubt that this was a bedroom. Probably the one Nathan wouldve slept in. If only he would be in here alone tonight.

The walls were papered a deep blue, with a darker scroll design. All of the chairs and couches were cushioned gold and the rest of the furniture, like the large desk sitting in a corner to my right, was finished with polished mahogany wood. The large bed on the far left wall was piled high with soft blankets and pillows in a sky blue color, and the tall windows on the front wall looked over the busy street, were letting in the rays of moonlight.

I hadn't noticed that Nathan had gone over to a table and poured us some champagne that the hotel had provided with courtesy, until he came up behind me, startling me as he handed me the chilled glass.

I sipped it silently as he removed his jacket, laying it across a nearby chair. My heart, a lazy thing that rarely did any work, suddenly began to thrum wildly against the walls of my rib cage.

I knew what was coming. And there was nothing I could do to stop it. I was now his wife. And it was a wife's duty to please her husband. In every way.

I finished my champagne, swallowing it in one gulp and letting it burn the back of my throat. I sighed, carefully removing the hat I had been wearing.

I began to unbutton the sleeves of my traveling suit when Nathan came up behind me, bringing his arms around my corseted waist. My breath hitched in my throat as he hugged me close to his chest. He set his head on my shoulder as I stared straight ahead of me, focusing on the busy traffic sounds outside.

Then, he began to kiss my exposed skin of my neck, taking little nips at it with his teeth. I stiffened as he turned me to face him.

_And tonight...Nathan will desire such a feeling. For you must produce him an heir. Do as he says and don't fight him..._

Mother's words echoed in my ears as he kissed me, my legs shaking with fear.

I was terrified.

Soon, his kisses became rougher and he forced his toungue in between my firmly pressed lips.

I began to struggle slightly, squirming as Nathan's grip on my arms tightened, his fingers digging into my skin. I let out a small yelp of pain, pulling away from him. But, to him, that was wrong, and he slapped me- hard across the face.

And as he took my arm, dragging me to the bed, I swore I tasted the crimson of blood in my mouth.

As soon as my skin touched the downy mattress, he pinned me, helplessly, beneath him.

I tried to break free of his iron grasp, but it was useless. He just chuckled above me, obviously enjoying my pain.

He met his lips to mine again, his kiss rough and hungry. When he broke away, he began to strip away my stockings, a menacing amount of lust brewing in his charcoal eyes.

Nathan wasted no time disposing of the rest of my clothes. And before I knew it, I was naked in front of his hunger-filled gaze.

"Mmmm...I haven't had a virgin in a long time..." He hissed tauntingly into my ear as he began to fondle my breasts, pinching my nipples in between his teeth with quite a force to make me scream aloud.

He just laughed at this, adding darkly "It'll be nice to see what you'll look like once you've gotten...bigger..."

Then, he simply moved on to find some other way to further torture me.

And he did.

He forced his fingers inside of my opening, stinging my eyes with tears. And once I began to cry, he hit me again, bruising my cheek for sure, snarling at me with malice, "You weak slut...".

And I continued to cry. I let my tears flow freely down my cheeks and my body rack with sobs as Nathan undressed, forcing himself inside of me harshly. I screamed my throat raw, my fingers digging deep into the skin of his back, just hoping to leave my own bruise on him...

I had never known such agony in my life.

I longed for it to end as he continued to force himself on me, going deeper...faster...harder...

Time seemed to slow down, the torture continuing for a never-ending eternity.

But then, it sped up again and it stopped as I felt something of hot water rush inside of my body.

Nathan collapsed on top of me and I guessed these were his heirs...

He lay there for a second, listening to my racing, pounding pulse. "You enjoyed that, didn't you, dear?" he snarled, a wry laugh echoing through the sudden silence of the empty, dark room. Then, he wasted no time pulling out of me, making me wince in pain.

But before he moved away from me, he caressed my cheek with his rough palm, whispering with mock affection, "It will be better next time, darling...I promise..." And with that, he placed a hasty kiss on my forehead, and in no time, was fast asleep.

But I-I wouldn't dare close my eyes. I couldn't. I would just relive the same hell I had just experienced again and again behind my closed eyelids.

So I stayed awake, staring at the crimson puddle of my stolen dignity staining the white of the bedsheets, tears silently falling in time with my slowly breaking heart

* * *

**Some translation (and pardon me if my Russian isn't all correct, I'm not fluent. Not yet, at least :P) for you guys (:**

**Ne'zhnaja de'vushka - tender girl**

**Daraga'ja - dear**

**rad tebya videt, moja dorogaja - glad to see you, my dear**

**ko'shechka maj - my little cat**

**Bolshoe spasibo - thank you so much**

**Ja tebja Lublu - I love you**


	6. 5

**A/N: Hey everyone :) I am back from my vacation!**

**And honestly, while I was away...I didn't write anything. So, sorry if this chapter seems a bit rusty, I was lazy :P**

**Anyway, this is a big-ish chapter, and I apologize if Maria and Nathan's relationship seems to be moving a bit quickly, I just have a bit of writer's block :/**

**Well, that should be it for my rambling...Enjoy the chapter! And if you did, please remember to R&amp;R :))**

* * *

The next morning when I awoke, I seemed to have the sensation of fireworks exploding inside my head. But it wasn't even my head that ached so sorely...It felt as if my whole body had been smashed and twisted several different ways, and just overnight.

I sighed to myself, sitting upright in the bed. I looked down and noticed that I was still naked. A scar from the previous evening's terrors.

I pulled a blanket modestly to my chest, but as I glanced around to look for something to cover my slightly shivering body with, I caught my eye on a red dot contrasting with the white cotton sheets beneath me. I glanced further and saw that there was a larger stain not but inches from me. I gasped when I realized what the crimson substance was: my blood.

And Nathan must've heard me awake, for he made himself known, leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom adjoining the bedroom in our luxurious suite, smirking at me with a dangerous darkness lurking in his eyes.

"Well, well...It seems Sleeping Beauty has awoken..." he mused, coming towards me.

I felt myself tensing up at his presence, curling up into my own body, wishing to be hidden from his stare forever...

He came closer to where I was on the bed, towering over my sudden feeling of tininess...He pulled away the blanket covering me, exposing my skin and chest to the chilliness of the room.

On instinct, I put my hands up to cover myself from his gaze, but Nathan tore my arms away from me and an evil grin spread across his face as he began to fondle me softly, my heart banging against my ribcage...

He chuckled, his touch growing rougher by the second, "Mmmm...what a good girl you are..."

But as he leaned in to kiss me, I backed away from him, yelping in surprise of my quickness.

Nathan, of course, was enraged, and as he brought his hand back to slap my face, I cried out, "No! Please!"

This had made him stop, his hand mid-way to my skin. He snickered, his voice dripping with malice, "Well...perhaps that will teach you your place..."

And with nothing else, he turned from me, heading back to finish dressing for the day to come.

But before the bathroom door closed shut behind him, he called out, his voice booming, "Get dressed, Maria. We leave at noon for Europe."

**xXx**

If I could remember the rest of the honeymoon, the trip to Paris, even the voyage there, I would've definitely written it down in my diary. The red, leather-bound diary that had been given to me on my tenth birthday...The only thing that proved to be dear to me anymore...

But strangely enough, I couldn't remember a single, solid detail...

Except for the fact the whole thing was an absolute nightmare.

The days of the trip were spent mingling with the finest of European society. Attending tea parties and luncheons with duchesses and princesses, showing off Nathan's great, American wealth...No time for seeing the city I had always longed of visiting...

And even at nights, I was glued to Nathan's side. Or I was rather beneath him as he continued to force himself on me, finding new ways to show me how above me he was.

But eventually, I had learned to no longer let him see my tears. I knew he hated to see me cry and let himself know that he, the god of everything, had done something the least bit wrong.

He was the devil, and perhaps, he knew it as well.

But he just preferred to appear to others as an angel.

**xXx**

As we returned a few months later, life fell into a dull routine.

I awoke each morning, ate breakfast with Nathan in stony silence, and then wished him a good day at work with a mere peck on the cheek as a good-bye before resorting to my day as a society woman...

There was no more excitement, no more joy...or even a reason to live anymore.

I knew, as a good now-Catholic woman, taking your own life was an abolishable sin.

But sometimes, I felt as if there was no way out...No way to fight the sadness that seeped into my veins the moment I opened my eyes every morning with Nathan snoring silently at my side...

I was stuck in an everlasting cycle that no matter how hard I tried, I could and would never break free from its iron grip.

That was until one morning, something wonderful happened...

**xXx**

Eating breakfast with Nathan was never an event I looked forward to. I always sat in silence, stirring my tea or scooting around my eggs on my plate with disinterest as Nathan read his newspaper. Occasionally, he would address me, but only to tell me to eat already or to scold me for something ever so slight.

The moment he disappeared for the day was the moment I felt I could breathe again. Oxygen tasted so sweet as he grabbed his briefcase and slammed the front door shut, headed for work.

But one particular morning, as he left, I felt a wave of nausea crash over me, sending me tumbling out of my chair, racing to the bathroom.

I vomited then, my head spinning with dizziness.

After I returned to the dining room, the doctor was promptly called.

And in an hour's time, I received news that seemed to shed a ray on light into my life.

I was pregnant.

Even though it was Nathan's child, it was still a child. A baby for me to love and care for...Something to make me happy again...

And that night, after dinner, I planned to tell Nathan.

But he had other ideas.

**xXx**

Pinning me down on his bed, I tried to struggle from his grasp. I didn't want anything to harm the baby...I began to let the tears leak from my eyes and Nathan slapped me, hard. But no matter how much I tried, I couldn't stop crying.

I wouldn't let anything hurt my child.

"Nathan...Pl-Please..." I whispered, my voice choppy with sobs as Nathan positioned himself over me.

He simply ignored me, snarling, "Stop your sniveling, you slut! You will please me!"

But I cried out, just as he was about to thrust into me, kill his own son, "Stop! I-I'm pregnant!"

And this did make him stop. He looked at me with question in his eyes, wondering if what I was saying was just a trick to get myself out of fulfilling his manly needs...

"I-I'm going to have a baby..." I continued with my voice wavering to further convince him of the truth.

But as he heard this and processed it in his mind, there was no joy or excitement registering on his face. Just his stoic gaze penetrating into my soul.

And he must've believed it at some point, as he rolled away from me, muttering into the dark emptiness of the room, "It better be a boy..."

* * *

**Yeesh, these chapters just get choppier and choppier...Sorry :P **

**Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed, and you know what to do from here ((: Thanks for being such awesome readers (: **


	7. 6

**A/N: Hey guys! Now that school has started, updates will be a bit more spread out. Like, I already have 2 prjects due Monday...This year is gonna be a killer...**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy. I wrote this in one sitting, so I'll probably be going back to do editing if needed. (It's a short chapter - yeesh!)**

**Please R&amp;R! Y'all are the best (:**

* * *

**6.**

There was always something to go to. Parties, cotillions, dinners…And for what? I never understood such a concept of having a social event for every breathing moment.

It was exhausting; always having to make polite chatter…

It was tiring listening to the same gossip, the same scandals that threatened to poison the roots of our "perfect" society…

And as my maid, Julia, pulled ever so tightly on the strings of my corset, shrinking my waist to quite an unhealthy size - for me and the child I was carrying, I dreaded the evening to come.

Of course, Nathan desired I look stunning. He always seemed to like to show me off to the rest of his "friends" as if I was a trophy to be won…

And tonight, at the ball to announce the news of my pregnancy, he wanted to let everyone know that he was quite a fine specimen.

"Julia…I believe that will do fine, thank you…" I gasped, my voice barely a whisper.

I saw that the poor girl - not even a few years older than I, was shaking horribly…I understood her fear and reached to touch her shoulder. I would've been just as terrified if Nathan had barked at me the way he did, not only to her, but to all the servants.

I smiled to her gently, trying to calm her, "Thank you…It's alright…"

And just as the shadows of a smile were forming on Julia's face, the door my room swung open and Nathan appeared, dressed in his crisp tuxedo for the evening.

He pointed a single finger to Julia and in a dangerously low voice he demanded, "Out!"

And that was all it took. One simple word and my maid was gone, a blur of white blonde curls.

I didn't comment on Nathan's cruelty as he closed the door shut behind her - the click of the lock louder than ever. I just kept my eyes to the floor as I felt him come closer to me…

I could feel myself heating up…My heart beginning to pound against my ribcage, desperate to flee from danger…

I saw the tips of is black, shined shoes meet my gaze and I felt his cold hand cup my chin and to roughly bring my eyes up to meet his…But other than that, I felt numb. It was as if I was standing on the side, watching my own body self-destruct right before me.

I had learned to block out the pain, learned to muffle my screams…

I knew Nathan had told me something. I was nodding, being the good wife. But the only thing ringing in my ears was static. It calmed me to think that I couldn't hear his insults or his mockery…

But as I saw Nathan reaching for his pant buckle, pushing me down on my knees, I tore my eyes away - or at least I tried to.

I was glued to the angst in front of me. I was trapped in a nightmare. And unless I wanted to save myself, or the child that was growing within me, I had to break free.

**xXx**

The smile that was on my face was removable.

But only when I was alone.

And I was now. As I peeled off my satin gloves, eager to fall into an endless sleep, I placed my hand on my still rather flat stomach. A single tear rolled down my cheek as I hoped and prayed that this baby, whoever it would become would never be like it's father - a monster.

But of course, everyone expected I was to give birth to a son. An heir to make the next generation of Hockley Steel prosper and thrive as never before…A boy to be a prodigy, a success…

That wasn't what I wanted at all.

And as I sat on the edge of my bed, I began to cry. I didn't even bother to worry about my make-up- which by now was quite the mess. I drowned myself in sorrow and I felt myself slipping away…slowly….slowly…

And I hadn't even realized Nathan had entered my room until he grabbed my arm roughly, jerking me onto my feet.

I snapped back into reality , recalling the nightmare before the party. His evil laughter, his hard touch…

I cried out desperately, trying to free myself from him "Please…Not now!"

He just cackled in response, his hatred burning into me.

"Well…it seems you're a bit busy crying for such things…I wonder why…"

I made no sound as he released me. I stood, frozen to where I was. Even if I did try to make a run for it, he would get to me. He always did. There was no escape. There never was.

"People were talking tonight, Maria…" Nathan continued, a sort of diplomacy spilling over him.

He shot me a dagger-sharp glare and began to circle me, his eyes locked on me always.

"Did you perhaps say anything to anyone this evening, dear?" He questioned, his voice laced with accusation.

I was shaking. I could feel it. And my response showed it as I squeaked out, "No…"

But of course, Nathan didn't believe me…

"Well…Listen here..." He sneered, grabbing me again, both of my arms locked in his steel grip. "If anyone asks you anything about our marriage, tell them you are the luckiest girl alive…Because if you say anything at all different, this union will be called off and I will drag you and your disgusting family of scum right through the dirt until you're so filthy you'll be out on the streets…"

A satisfied grin spread across Nathan's face as he added, his words cold and hard, hitting me right where he knew it would hurt the most, "And when you're selling your body to men every night just to get you a crust of bread and a pile of tags to keep you warm, you'll remember me…You'll remember me and how good I was to you, you filthy whore…"

After that, I knew he left. Left me with tears streaming down my cheeks and fear spreading through my veins like a virus…

He had left me reaching for things I knew I could never have while I was here. I was a prisoner to him. And he was stronger than ever because of that.


End file.
